highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
