I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
