dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
