Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
