We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There r osticjed everywhere
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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