she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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