I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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