Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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