I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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