so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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