don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
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