there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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