I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
