come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
