i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
