and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
