i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
