As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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