Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
no you cant smoke seaweed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
