I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
