census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
