I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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