as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
