i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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