i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
