I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
