The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Someone came in the potted fern
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
