And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
