He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
