I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
