Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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