a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
