3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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