drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
