I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
