K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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