Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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