eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
