I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
