Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
