Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
