hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
