Did you just see the Batmobile???
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
