Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
