"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
