piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
