I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i now understand why vodka
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
