Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
