oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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