i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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