I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
