i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
