I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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