His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
